The Oxaliplatin definitely is easier on me than Irinotecan. I felt pretty good yesterday. I still couldn't sleep for crap but I attribute this to the Dexmethasone that I get. The peripheral neutopathy is back, it seems to go away in like 7 days from Monday, so now at least. It is not too intense and is mostly in my fingers and a bit in the back of my throat.
I have been contemplating abandoning our lives in Maryland and moving back to Florida. This what I think is the chemo talking. It would be a huge deal. There are several large corporations headquartered or present in Florida where I'm pretty dern sure I could get a job should I want one. I'd have to talk to their HR people first about my situation and make sure everything is A-OK with that. I don't think my federal "pension" or indeed any survival benefits kick in until 10 years of service (I need to check this). I'm not so sure I'm going to make it to 10 years. Also by an annoying fluke of paperwork and misunderstanding I am not part of the federal group life insurance policy so there is no lump sum of money hanging around to entice me to stay. Honestly, other than the fact that I just really like the particular bits that I do at work, I don't know why I'm here. I get to deal with lots of paperwork and stupid bureaucracy and I get to deal with Maryland winters and Maryland traffic and Maryland parking. Florida I would be close to all of my family members, especially when it's going to count. Oh yeah, and I would expect I'd probably get a pay hike by switch to a private company followed by the 0% Florida State Income Tax rate, followed by a lower cost of living, followed by Publix.
Emily would of course have to make big changes too. Move Addie back to Florida, quit her job, find another one in a really tough market.
I would probably have to engage in "strategic default" (or a shore sale, I don't even really know the different) on my house mortgage here which is something completely anathema to my personal system of integrity. But I guess difficult times call for difficult measures. The bank will be in the same place when I die anyway, so I guess I would just be moving the date up for them.
Then we'd have to pack our entire house into a big moving van and go.
Then I'd have to find a new hospital and suite of doctors and ongologists. I like my oncologist a lot, so that is a bit deterrent to leaving as well.
It all seems like so much. But when I have all day to lay in bed and think about it, it becomes appealing.
Oh yeah, lastly, don't get too excited family. This is purely stream of consciousness writing.
Oh... my.... god............
ReplyDeleteOk, I promise I'm not getting too excited or making plans or anything, but that would be so SO SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO amazingly awesome wonderful! And we have Publix! And good produce ALL year! And you do realize that anyone of us would drop our lives in a moment to help you with the moving part? The job and doctors and house.... Well, yeah, you're up a creek having to find your own paddle on that one, but we DO have just a few hospitals to chose from:) And you could always pick the brains of your present oncologists to see if they could suggest anyone. Anyway, I'll shut up, I'm well aware that you've already thought of all this plus a myriad of other things I haven't even considered, but at the same time.... We have Publix:)
Ryan,
ReplyDeleteYou actually do get a survivor benefit with at least 18 months of service. Emily would get $15,000 adjusted for COLA's every year since 1987 (probably around $25,000 or so) plus one-half of your high-3 salary.
http://www.opm.gov/retire/pre/election/benefits/survivor.htm
Dave
Well, that is something more than nothing. But not really that much in the grand scheme of things. Maybe I could just become some puddly random civvie at a Naval Yard in Florida and retain said benefits!
ReplyDeleteRyan,
ReplyDeleteGod damn, it's been too long... Anyway, I'm no expert but I can shed a little insight into short sale vs strategic default. When I bought my house I did some brief research as to what would happen should I not able to afford payments and from what I gathered:
Short sale requires the lender's agreement as you'll agree on an asking price and they're basically agreeing to take the loss but get something back rather than just outright foreclose and potentially get nothing.
Strategic default is you making the option to stop payment of your mortgage despite the technical ability to continue making payments. Dings your credit harder but if the bank won't agree to a short sale, it seems like a pretty good option.
Hope you can get your head right.
-Ben
Ryan - I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you. I know my husband, John, and you talked online through your blogs. He's been gone almost a year now and reading your blog has brought back so many memories of treatments and him. It is all still so familiar to me. I am glad you have this outlet to let out your feelings.
ReplyDeleteI hope the new treatments are working for you.
Take care!
Jody
Dear Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI don't have to tell you how wonderful it would be to have you back here with us. Whatever you decide to do, you know that you and Emily have the full support of every member of this large and goofy family. We all want to help in any way we can. I don't know anything about short sales and strategic defaults, but your mortgage may be paid off in its entirety when you are gone. It depends on whether you have a spouse survivor's clause in your policy. Ask and see. I love you and can't wait to see you and Emily in March.
Love,
Mom